Exodus 28: Fashion Show!

Good Evening ladies and gentlemen, fashionistas and baristas! Welcome to the Exodus 28 Fashion Show! Tonight, you are in for a treat. One of the hottest up and coming Near-Eastern Diety Designers, YHWH, is debuting his new “Tabernacle” collection.

Thousands have gathered at the foot of his mountainous design studio to see what the priests will be wearing. Here comes the first piece: The Priestly garments. Let’s have a look!

Courtesy of Jared Hollier at http://badlydrawnbible.com/ Thanks Jared! I love it!

(I asked Jared last minute to draw a picture and this is what he did. It was pretty much exactly what I pictured. You should go check out his blog.)

So Hot Right Now

Notice the colors! Linens of blue, purple, crimson and gold. Those are SO in right now. I’m calling it, blue, purple, crimson, and gold are the new black.

Everything is made out of these colors. The ephod. The band on the ephod. The robe. All made with this lovely colors. What is an ephod you ask? Allow me to educate you.

It’s a fancy apron.

Anywho, what was I talking about? Oh yes, the colors! These are going to go so well with the design of the Tabernacle. That YHWH certainly has an eye for color!

Ooh, Pretty!

Now take a look at what the priest is wearing on his chest. That is what we call in the ‘biz a “breastplate.” And what a breastplate it is!

Notice the stones attached. This is a very modern design: four rows of three stones. If I had to guess, I would say that each stone represents one of the tribes of Israel. And my producer is telling me that is correct. Man, I’m good!

Also, look at the gold filigree around them. So fine! A skilled worker must have made those. What is a filigree you ask? It is a fine, delicate, ornamental work. Usually made with small wires.

You’re welcome.

Hell’s Bells

As the priest approaches the end of the runway, I hear a sound. Oh, there it is. Look down to the lower hem of his robe. You will see an alternating pattern of woven . . . well, I guess they look like pomegranates, and bells.

Rest assured people, this priest will never be able to sneak up on you!

The bells are going to come in handy when the priest goes into the Holy of Hollies. Word on the street is that you can die in there just because of YHWH’s presence. Crazy!

The bells help the other priests know that this guy is still alive and strutting.


Wow. I am quite impressed with this year’s design. YHWH has really outdone himself. Standing ovation from the crowd. They are really excited about what he has been doing up on that mountain.

I hope they don’t do anything stupid and ruin this great moment . . .


5 responses

  1. So you’re saying this is why Belloq got all duded up in Raiders of the Lost Ark? Cause he was trying to look like a priest? Seem to recall that he forget the bells.

    Oh, and I don’t think YHWH was at all fooled by Belloq’s disguise.
    Just sayin’.


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