Exodus 29: So You Think You Can Priest?

We have a covenant.

We have an ark, an altar, and a tent.

We have a Tabernacle.

We have priestly clothes.

All we need now are a few good priests.

Think you can handle the priesthood? Yeah? Well, maybe you should put that youthful enthusiasm on hold for a few moments while I lay some big, fat, (you will understand why I said “fat” soon enough.) reality on you boyeeeeeee!

Do You Have What It Takes?

How tough is it to be a priest? Well, let’s see if you can make it through the Navy Seal-esque training G.I. Jane! You must pass the following tests without either a) passing out or b) loosing your manna and quail sandwich lunch. If at any time you think you are going to blow chunks, just go ring the bell and you can go home.

  1. Gather a bull, two rams, and a basket full of unleavened bread, cakes, and wafers.
  2. Put on the priestly garments.
  3. Pour anointing oil all over your head.
  4. Slaughter the bull.
  5. Dip your finger in the bull’s blood and smear it on the horns of the altar.
  6. Pour the rest of the blood out on the altar
  7. Take all the fat that covers the entrails, the long lobe of the liver, and the two kidneys (don’t forget the fat on those as well!) and burn them on the altar until they are smoke.
  8. Take the flesh, the skin, and the dung of the bull out of the camp and burn it.
'Slice of BBQ Brisket' photo (c) 2009, Phil Darnell - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

How’d you do? Most people begin to lose it around step 4 or 5. Oh what? You thought you were done? HA! That was only the beginning! I’m telling you, we don’t want priests with weak stomachs here.

  1. Slaughter one of the rams
  2. Dash its blood on the sides of the altar.
  3. Cut the ram into parts and wash its entrails and legs.
  4. Put the whole ram on the altar and burn it.
  5. Slaughter the other ram
  6. Put some of its blood on your right ear, your son’s ears, right thumbs, and right big toes.
  7. Dash the rest of the blood on the sides of the altar.
  8. Mix some of the blood with anointing oil and sprinkle it on your clothes.
  9. Take the fat, the tail fat, the entrail fat, the long lobe of the liver, the two kidneys (don’t forget their fat!) and the right thigh, and throw them into the basket with the unleavened stuff. Hold it in the air.
  10. Burn it.
  11. Wear those disgusting clothes for a week.

If you made it through, you might just have what it takes to be a priest in the Tabernacle. But I seriously doubt you made it through. Nobody makes it on their first try.

 Honestly, I think I would be out at the first step 7, if not sooner. How far would you make it?

4 responses

  1. It was how the rest of the ancient world was doing it, except many used humans instead. They were less squeamish when it came to worship back then. I’m sure there were prayers they were muttering that never came down to us through the Bible. It was tough, but hey! you got to eat the very best parts of the sacrifice.

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