5:35am: Gotta get fresh. Gotta go down to the tabernacle. Use last “Friday” reference. Sneak the hot sauce in your pocket. You will need this later.
6:00am: Arrive at tabernacle. Say hi to Bernie, the doorman. Notice the ashes of the previous night’s burnt offerings on the altar.
6:05am: Put on priestly clothes. Oh yeah. Lookin’ good my man!
6:25am: Grab the shovel and scoop the ashes out of the altar. Make a nice pile next to it. Fight the temptation to roll around in it or throw it at other priests just to mess with them.
6:35am: Take off priestly clothes. Put on T-Shirt and jeans (not the nice ones. The wife likes those for date night).
6:55am: Throw some more wood on the fire. Keep that sucker burning at all times. Take a diet coke break and wipe the sweat off your brow while the ladies try to get a peak through the tabernacle wall.
7:00am: Remember that diet coke breaks won’t be invented for thousands of years.
7:05am: Walk through the camp with the ashes. Avoid those punk kids who try to trip you on your way.
7:30am: Take the ashes outside the camp to the clean place. Dump them there.
Repeat until all ashes are removed.
11:00am: Put priestly clothes back on.
11:20am: Lunch. Eat the grain offering cakes in the court of the tent of meeting with other priests. Sneak the hot sauce onto the cakes. See? I told you this would come in handy.
12:20pm: More wood on the fire.
12:30pm-5pm: Perform burnt, grain, guilt, fellowship, and sin offerings. Get blood all over the place.
5:05pm: Let the smiles from all the newly forgiven people warm your priestly little heart.
5:30pm: Dinner. Eat the sin offerings in the court of the tent of meeting with the other priests. It is like a Labor Day BBQ every day!
5:35pm: Remember that Labor Day won’t be invented for thousands of years.
6:30pm: More wood on the fire. Make sure the burnt offerings have enough wood to keep burning through the night.
6:35pm: Remove priestly clothes.
6:55pm: Head home. Make sure to say “bye” to Bernie, the doorman.