Judges 1: Tying Up The Loose Ends

Judges begins much in the same way Transformers 2 began, though I haven’t actually seen the beginning of the movie so I could be way off. The Autobots (Israelites) wage their battles to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons (Canaanites). All the remaining ones anyway. Wow, who knew Transformers had such a deep subtext? … Continue reading

Joshua 11: Why Joshua is a Difficult Book to Read

Joshua 11 plays with your emotions. It builds suspense, has intense action, and celebrates glorious victories. Then it beats you down and leaves you questioning everything. Here’s what I mean. Against The Odds It seems that the chances of Joshua’s success decrease with each successive battle. Jericho was a walk in the park. Ai had … Continue reading

Deuteronomy 20: Join The Army!

I'm going to Army, Mother!

Welcome, recruits! This is your first day of boot camp for the Army of Israel!

I need you to listen and listen good, because I am only going to say this stuff once. There are several things that you need to know before we begin our training.

The first thing that you must always remember is that we don’t need you. 

This Army’s strength does not lie in its numbers or in the ferocity of its warriors. And given the looks of all of you, I’m glad about that!

This army is strong because the LORD fights for it. Plain and simple. God is the best soldier we have. So you can rid yourself of any delusions of grandeur. You will never be as good a fighter as he is. It’s as simple as that.

You will never part a sea and destroy Egypt’s army as you bring it back together. Never.

We don’t need you. 

And to prove it, I’m going to let a few of you go.

You are not being cut. And it is not because I don’t think you can handle it. We just don’t need you.

Do any of you have houses that have not been dedicated? You should go home and dedicate them. Otherwise someone else might do it.

Do any of you have vineyards? Have you tasted the fruit of those vineyards yet? No? Go home and eat those grapes, soldier! You don’t want someone else getting your first fruits!

Are any of you engaged? Go home and marry that girl! I know that you don’t want someone else marrying her!

Seriously. Go. Enjoy your life.

All you who are still here, I have one question for you: Are you afraid?

If so, you also may go. We don’t need you. This country has had its share of scared people making the rest of the people scarred. So if you are afraid of this battle, you may go.

Cities Far and Near

We are marching to a town that is far away. Our first course of action will not be to attack. So put your swords away! We will come to them and offer peace. If they accept, they will become our slaves, in which case all of our laws of slavery will apply. Remember them?

If they do not accept our peace, you may unsheathe your swords and only kill the men. Leave everyone else. They will come with us when we conquer them.

However, to the cities and peoples who are near to us, we must now show the same mercy. They are to be destroyed. All of them. Every single one.

Do I make myself clear? Yes? Good.

Welcome to the Army.

Deuteronomy 3: The Mighty Mouth of Moses

Alrighty people. Listen up! I am Moses and I have some things to say. Ready? Ready? I see you down there Issachar! Look at me when I’m talking to you! Ok good. Here we go. Actually, I just need to talk to the Reubenites, Gadites, and the Half Tribe of Manasseh, or, Half-asseh. heh heh. … Continue reading

Deuteronomy 2: Two Thoughts & a Question

Deuteronomy 2 isn’t exactly the easiest chapter to read and “get something out of it.” So I decided to take some of my own advice from yesterday and read it slowly and carefully with as much curiosity as I could muster. And wouldn’t you know it, the results were very interesting. Call & Response One … Continue reading

Numbers 32: How Two Tribes Almost Ruined It For Everyone Else

The journey is almost over. Forty years of wandering and the end is in sight. The last obstacle before the Jordan River is gone. The time is now! Israelites, prepare to enter the land that the LORD has promised to you! Not So Fast Um, hey Moses, us Reubenites and Gadites were thinking. See, we … Continue reading

Numbers 31: The Cursers Get Cursed

Remember that incident with Midian a little ways back? Well, let’s say that some guys from Israel engaged in some inappropriate hanky-panky with some women from Midian resulting in some rather unfortunate idolatry which resulted in a plague that killed 24,000 people. And do you remember how during that time there were a lot of … Continue reading