Numbers 6: 4 Awesome Reasons to Take a Nazirite Vow

I don’t really write many motivational posts. Generally, I try to convey information I find in the Bible in a creative and engaging way. But after reading Numbers 6, I just can’t help it! The material is so compelling that I would simply be doing a disservice to you, me, and God if I didn’t write the following post.

4 Reasons to Make a Nazirite Vow

#1) No Grape Products.

Not one single person likes grapes. Not. One*. Grapes are gross and via the transitive property, everything made with grapes is also gross. This is pretty much common knowledge.

So if you take a Nazirite vow, guess what? You aren’t even allowed to eat them! You can’t drink wine, vinegar, or grape juice. You can’t even eat the skins or the seeds.

That excuse you were looking for to avoid grapes at all costs? I just found it. You’re welcome.

*Unconfirmed data.

#2) Awesome Hairstyles

I hate haircuts. You hate haircuts. We all hate hair cuts! Who wants to pay money to have someone else chop a part of themselves off and let it fall like litter to the ground while making awful small talk with a total stranger who gets all up in your grill? Not me.

As long as you are in your Nazirite vow, no razor (or scissors) will touch your head.

And the longer your vow lasts, the more awesome hairstyles are available to you. You can go for the Adam Duritz, the Bob Marley, or the creepy DJ from Zoolander.

They're breakdance fighting

#3) No Funeral Responsibilities

Nazirites aren’t allowed anywhere near corpses. Not even their own family members. So that means if one of your relatives meets an untimely end and the family has to scramble to plan and pull off the funeral, guess who they won’t be asking for help?

That’s right, you.

So you can go do something fun, like playing me on words with friends.

#4) The Reset Button

If Nazirites inadvertently come into proximity of a corpse, they have to go through a little ritual with the priests. This results in the vow starting over.

So if you are wanting to extend your vow a little longer, might I suggest “loitering” near the city morgue?

————————

Do you need any more reasons? Let’s do this! I mean, sure, there is that whole “honoring the terms of your vow” thing but we’ll figure that out later.

What other reasons might you give to take a Nazirite vow? (I bet you have never been asked that question before!)

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6 responses

  1. Pingback: Friendsday Wednesday – Ben Emerson

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